Vyvanse

I have an announcement to make: for the first time in five years, I am once again taking medication for my ADHD.

That's right: I'm now taking Vyvanse, a newer time-release stimulant. It's going very well, but more on that in a minute.

Gabor Mate's ADD Approach: My Experience So Far

So, I started this blog about nine months ago. I started writing because I wanted to cover a wide range of topics related to ADD/ADHD, but largely, also, because I was inspired by Gabor Mate's book, Scattered (or Scattered Minds, depending on whether you buy the US or Canadian version). You can read my initial post about it here.

So how's it working out for me?

First and foremost...I feel better about myself. I've been taking the time to dissect my life experiences, especially my formative, childhood impressions and see how it's affected my sense of myself, my most deep-seated anxieties. I'm beginning to feel my ADHD as those anxieties, not just as some random tweaky brain I can't figure out or control.

It's not a fast process. I mean, the emotional progress can come in leaps and bounds, but how it actually informs my ADHD is something that only changes gradually. Today, I'm feeling like something big has happened in that arena: some last shell of a major anxiety construction of my own fell away and I have this...I don't know, this strength from somewhere that allows me to push through. A confidence to self-actualize. I'm guessing this is what the executive function feels like.

I'm still trying to decide how much of my personal stuff I really want to post here...bear with me while I decide, and I apologize if this post is a bit vague. I want to do what's most helpful to my readers, not use this as a personal therapy blog.

Shiny Thing: ADD T-Shirt

My husband and I have matching versions of this shirt.

Sometimes, you just have to laugh at it. :-)

The Double ADD Relationship: Why It Can Work

I have ADD, and so does my husband.

What I have found this means for us is that none of the expert advice or standard conversations about ADD and relationships apply to us. All the books, articles, forum chats, stories, rants and related tales from couple's counseling I've ever seen deal mostly with the challenges of an ADD partner and a non-ADD partner figuring out how to reconcile their differences and come to terms with the challenges of the relationship. Most commonly, it seems, the challenges of a relationship for someone with ADD come from the basic caring=instant results misunderstanding we all know too well...you know, where someone close to you assumes that if you actually CARED about their feelings and circumstances, you'd be able to keep a job/get organized/remember birthdays/focus during a conversation, etc.

Pesticide Exposure and ADHD

This is a little over a year old, but it's still interesting: Study links pesticide exposure and higher rates of ADHD.

Naturally, this is going to be one of those cases where correlation doesn't necessarily indicate causation, but who knows? I don't think it's crazy to wonder if maybe a bunch of nasty poisons might just have an adverse effect on the ability of our systems to operate correctly.

Gotta love this bit:

"Environmental Protection Agency regulations have eliminated most residential uses for the pesticides (including lawn care and termite extermination), so the largest source of exposure for children is believed to be food, especially commercially grown produce."

In other words? You can't use it on your lawns, it's too toxic. Eating it, though? A-ok. *facepalms*

ADHD and Stress Repression

Lately, I find myself cursed with a variety of stress-related physical ailments. The worst of these is muscle tension, a problem that almost every person with ADHD can relate to.

I do a lot to keep it under control. Yoga, exercise, hot and cold compresses, massage, meditation...but I recently found myself spending about two weeks battling a bout of tension so severe, all my best coping skills, plus regular doses of ibuprofen, were only enough to take the edge off (and even then, only sometimes).

What's been really interesting to me about this event (albeit, also harrowing) is that it was quite clearly a physical outcropping of long-repressed emotional distress. I say this because I soon discovered how readily an honest, raw expression of emotion - of the type I've learned to avoid - would give me some relief from the pain. Sometimes it was crying, sometimes just talking through something with someone, and sometimes it required a good bout of yelling.

....and we're back!

I've been off the blog for a while - something I hoped I wouldn't do.

Such is often the case with those of us who have ADHD...we start some new project, filled with hope and inspiration and, above all, determination that THIS time, we'll follow through on it, we'll stick it out, we won't just drop it off or drift away from it partway through.

...and then, a matter of hours/days/weeks later, it falls away from us, just like everything else has before. We feel bad, and associate that guilt with the project itself. We never want to touch it again, lest we be reminded of our failure. Sure, we move on to the next project...but with each new venture, the memory of our past failed attempts hounds us, making it harder and harder to believe in ourselves enough to get started again.

Well, hell.