Willpower and the ADHD Brain

If you're reading this blog and you don't have ADD, I'd like to ask you to do a little mental exercise with me.

Think back to when you were five years old and your parents told you to put your toys away after you finished playing with them. Remember the resistance you felt to this activity, how spirit-crushing it seemed to do this chore when you wanted to move on to some other fun activity, like playing outside. Remember the effort it took to accomplish this task, if you could even do it on your own (which you probably could not).

Now...think about that same task now, and how it would look to you as an adult. Why, it's only probably six or eight toys that just need to be placed in a bin or on a shelf. That's no trouble at all. You can do it in about 30 seconds without a second thought. You may even find it pleasurable as you're spurred on by thoughts of how nice the clean floor will look and how useful it is to have things organized. Think that's emotional maturity?

WRONG: your brain has changed! Where you were once a creature of impulse, you now have higher brain functions that numb out those childhood feelings of resistance AND give you rewards (dopamine, I think?) for carrying out the tasks that your executive functions set forth. What was once a great feat of willpower is now a very easy thing indeed.

For the ADD brain, however, this change does not take place, or it does not happen to the extent that it should. But because most people don't understand the neurology of childhood brain development, we don't experience an overabundance of sympathy and understanding in response to this limitation. Instead, we get lectured and shamed and blamed and goaded and most of all, told we need to "try harder." We deeply internalize these messages about our own inadequacy. For those of us who never get a diagnosis, we never examine them. Even for those of us that do, the guilt mechanisms are already well in place and are constantly reinforced throughout life.

If there's one thing I'd like to communicate to anyone who ever reads my blog, it's that ADD is a genuine disability. It's as real as any physical limitation, however much it may not be visible. Though it's important for all people with neurological disabilities and differences to advocate for themselves, I believe it's especially crucial for those whose disabilities are, themselves, exacerbated by the guilt and shame of being blamed for our troubles and/or not taken seriously.

So please, my friends...always remember that compared to what it's like for us? Your toys pick themselves up.