Today, my ADHD caused me to completely flake out on the fact that my trombone teaching day was meant to start at 3:30, not 4:00. I missed my first lesson and felt a total ass. In addition to this, I'd forgotten to bring my trombone, which is kind of an essential accessory for trombone teaching.

I got the call telling me I was late while I was on the road with my husband, Ryan. I apologized, then hung up the phone and proceeded to unleash a tirade of verbal abuse upon myself along the lines of how I "f*ck absolutely everything up."

Wanna know the real irony? I had just been in the middle of a conversation with Ryan about how beating oneself up exacerbates ADHD symptoms.

You see, a couple weeks ago, I was introduced to the writings of Gabor Mate, a physician and counselor in Vancouver. He takes the rather radical position on ADHD (and a number of other neurological, behavioral and medical issues) that the real cause of the problem is not pure genetics, but an issue of brain development. One that, Mate posits, is reversible with the right care and personal insight.

I haven't read Dr. Mate's book on ADHD (I hope to have it soon), but I've been thinking about this idea a lot in the past weeks. Certainly, Mate's not the first expert (or "expert") to propose that ADHD is caused by upbringing, but I've always balked at most statements along these lines because they usually go something like, "Blah blah blah, lazy, blah blah blah, bad parenting, blah blah blah, too much TV and video games, blah blah blah vaccine conspiracy blah blah blah boys will be boys and girls and adults don't REALLY have ADD, blah blah blah not enough math/nature/nutrition/discipline." (I hope that's not getting too technical.)

According to Mate, however, it's not BAD parenting, but merely highly stressed parenting and the realities of a post-industrial capitalist society's effects on childhood (i.e., most children are neglected as parents fight for their lives to make ends meet). I'll spare you further paraphrase, and you can read the interview with Dr. Mate (taken by the formidable Amy Goodman herself) here.

The idea of stressed parenting is one that resonates with my experiences, certainly more than any of the other pot-shot explanations. My early childhood was certainly stressed for my parents, who were struggling to survive on a meager, unsteady income while living in the frozen woods of Northern Minnesota - in a house heated only by a wood stove, no less! My parents were both younger than I am (27) by the time they had two children to take care of, and my father's own ADHD made both his working life and his emotional life an intense struggle.

I expect I'll be doing a lot more unraveling of my early childhood experiences, and those of other adults with ADHD in future blogs (it all comes to bear), but for now, suffice it to say I have a strong emotional recollection of tension from that time. It seemed, to my sensitive child's mind, that someone was always upset or on the verge of collapse. I'll be interested in seeing what sorts of thoughts Dr. Mate has about how, precisely, situations like mine cause ADHD, and ever more interested in seeing how the effects of such an ubringing can be mitigated.

But one thing I've found to be quite true over the years is that a solid sense of self-worth is crucial to living with ADHD. Unfortunately, ADHD often comes with a lot of baggage, built from years worth of negative feedback. I've been amazed at how much easier my day becomes when I wake up on the right side of the bed, or when something's just happened that serves as a boost to my self-esteem.

Tip for the day: Don't sweat the small stuff. Remember that other people make mistakes, not just those of us with ADHD. Work on fixing the problem, rather than beating yourself up for it.